He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
