My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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