My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
