I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
