I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
