...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
