Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
