No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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