haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
