I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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