Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
