I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
