If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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