I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
