I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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