i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
