I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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