paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
