Sry I called you an 8
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
