why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Enjoy the penises
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
