fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
