why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
