The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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