not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
