i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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