Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I will pee on everything he values.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
