I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Mom said you looked used
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
