Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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