When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
