Someone shit on the floor
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
