If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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