Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
