I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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