we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
