I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
