New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My underwear smells like fireworks.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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