and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
