Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
