I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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