Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
