So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
