Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
