If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
