my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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