i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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