What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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