I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
