I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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