I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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