Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
